Pain

Pain, vomiting , pain, doctors, pain, diarrhea, pic lines, loss, pain, tests, needles, doctors, living in the bathroom, surgery, frustration, let down, tears, loss, vomiting, hospital, reading of others with the same struggle (tragically some giving up and taking their lives).  More tests, doubt, feeling like a am a guinea pig, passing out, traveling, severe pain, questioning myself, drugs, doctor visits, tragic loss of my dear mother, discouragement, pain, bed ridden (at times), trying to find answers ,any answer.  Trying to find a doctor specialized enough to help, vomiting, pneumonia, 13 long hospital stays, doctors, numerous surgeries, hope deferred, discouragement, grief, pain,…..That is how I remember the last five years.

But I also remember..
Prayer, fantastic family, awesome friends, supportive church, incredible neighbors, generous people, unmerited favor, words of encouragement, loved ones (too many to name) fighting the fight with me - writing letters, holding my hand, researching, giving me a place to stay, wiping away the tears..not giving up).  Able to keep my house, answered prayers, writing and playing music, my amazing dog, long talks with my brothers (who live all over the globe), family visiting, people donating time – cleaning, mowing, providing food, building a deck, etc.  Enjoying a movie, a hug from my Dad, laughing with friends, a foot rub etc. 

I have been diagnosed with a severe intestinal disease - invasive endo (stage 4) with complications.  If is extremely painful and difficult at times.  However, it is so important to keep a flicker of hope, look to God, be peaceful and try to keep your spirits up.